Escaping from and dealing with abuse

MONSTERS REALLY DO LIVE AMONGST US 

HOW TO ESCAPE FROM AND DEAL WITH ABUSE

Over the last few years one of the main areas which I have specialised within, is emotional and Narcissistic abuse and how to effectively deal with it. It is a highly specialised area of my work as many people who are suffering the effects of Narcissistic abuse are not even aware that they are in a Narcissistic relationship.

The main problem is that you wonder even if it is happening. Abusive relationships can be at work with a colleague or boss, within social settings with a friend, or at home with a family member or even your partner. I first became aware of Narcissistic abuse through the number of clients who in my sessions revealed that the causes of many of their problems came from old or even current abusive relationships. It seemed that no matter what the issues, overeating, low mood, stress or anxiety there was always a Narcissist lurking in their past.

This work then caused me to examine my own past experiences and to study Narcissists, Narcissistic abuse and how we heal from this abuse to a very in-depth level. I then started to support those who have been victims of Narcissists and Narcissistic abuse and help them move away from Narcissistic relationships so they would have a chance to heal and see the relationship for what it was. I was then amazed to see the incredible changes within my clients when I saw their self-esteem and confidence grow.  It was these therapies that inspired the unique sessions that I have designed to help those who are or have been suffering from abuse. It has even inspired my now best-selling book. “Monsters Live Amongst Us”. This book aimed to teach people how to spot, move away from, heal from and avoid Narcissistic relationships and abuse ever again.

If you are at a loss for why certain things within your work or home life are not working out, then always be mindful to pay close attention to those around you, especially those who are overfriendly, but may have alternative agendas

Narcissistic relationships: How to know if you are dating or in a relationship with a Narcissist?

The most common question that I am ever asked is “Am I dating or living with a Narcissist? It is seldom a one-line answer and there are red flags that we have to look out for, but more often than not choose to ignore. This can often be due to the fact that we always want a relationship to be what we want it to be and will not always look at the reality of the person who we are in a relationship with. We do not want to break that magical fairy tale spell and see beyond the mask. I have several key relationship areas that I will always ask someone to explore and look at, but I always ask everyone to start by considering this thought. “If you are asking me if you are dating a Narcissist and looking at this page, then that is a very big clue that something is definitely wrong within your relationship”. Those who are in happy positive and supported relationships will not be reading books, looking at websites about abusive relationships or seeking support. Now, this is by no means a definitive answer, but it is that first step to opening your eyes and maybe seeing the reality of a relationship you are in.

Breaking away, healing from and then making sure that you never get back into a Narcissistic relationship is not an easy process, but it is possible. It is especially difficult as if you are involved within anyone with Narcissistic intent as they will do anything and everything to keep your eyes closed and blind to their cruel and damaging manipulations. Making that change and breaking away from a Narcissist will always start with you looking at yourself and making changes to who you are, for when you start to become a strong and centred person you become untouchable for anyone with Narcissistic intentions. When dealing with any Narcissistic abuse or people, we have to acknowledge that they will never change and that it is up to us to make those changes to ourselves.

I have helped and supported numerous people who have come to me concerned about abusive and harmful relationships that they are in, but have not felt that they were able to do anything about it. There are those who have even come to me as they have realised that they are addicted to abusive and Narcissistic relationships.

My work with those who have suffered abuse has helped them to heal, become stronger by finding themselves and then making a new life away from abusive relationships. I also help people to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that they would be able to spot and stop any future Narcissistic abuse and relationships.

If you ever have any concerns about a relationship that you are currently in, always reach out and talk to someone as it is possible to break away and make those changes.

All of my free telephone consultations are totally confidential and dealt with in the strictest confidence. You are free to call me, or I will call you at a prearranged time and date.

Understanding Narcissistic Abuse (The Frog and the Scorpion)

Most people always ask me "Why" would someone repeatedly abuse them, I often tell them the following

The mindset of the Narcissist is best told through the story of the Frog and the Scorpion

A scorpion asks a frog to carry him over a river. The frog is afraid of being stung, but the scorpion states that if it did sting him then they would both sink and the scorpion would drown. The frog then agrees, but halfway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog, dooming them both? Why did you do this asks the frog? The Scorpion just shrugs and replies “I cannot help it; it is in my nature”

Sadly, this is the reality of abusers, they do it because they can. This is why I always tell people that its more powerful to understand "How" to stop abuse, rather than to understand why they do it. They do it because they can. 

NARCISSISM AT WORK: Dealing with a Narcissist at work. So, if the most asked question I ever hear is “How do I know if I am dating a Narcissist” then the second is “Help I have a Narcissist boss, what do I do”?

There are many relationships that we can break away from, false friendships, bad dates, even family but if you are one of the many people who is suffering at work due to having a Narcissistic manager, then there are only two ways that you can deal with this. Your first option is to leave your job. Harsh I know, but you are never going to get the best from a Narcissistic boss. Remember they have gotten to this position in life, through their poor behaviour including manipulating and destroying others, so they are not going to stop just because you do not like the way they operate. So yes moving department or the company is an option and I have met so many people who have left companies due to Narcissistic managers. As the saying goes “People join great companies and leave bad managers” I know it does not sound like the advice you expect, but this unconventional wisdom holds a lot of merits. Do you really want to go to work every day have to do a job and spend your day fighting one of the most calculating and controlling people you will ever meet, the Narcissist manager? The chances are it is their Narcissism and levels of high detachment that has got them to where they are today and maybe even outperform others within the company. However, this may not be an option for you and you may just want to stay within your company or department. So, what do you do?

As I have written within my book, when dealing with Narcissists especially at work, it is all about making sure that you are strong, centred and grounded and secondly you cover yourself with any and every interaction with your Narcissistic boss. If you are working for a Narcissist at some point no matter how good you think your working relationship is they will turn on you and if you are not prepared, you will be a casualty. 

The difference is, within the workplace your Narcissistic manager will survive the rough waters as they have learnt to swim within them. At some point that sting will come, no matter how hard you work or whatever your circumstances, you cannot win with them. If you are working for someone who you suspect has strong Narcissistic intent then your best chances of survival come from you ensuring that you are not emotionally manipulated by them, for when you allow this to happen it is easier to control you.

Your second line of defence is to always, cover yourself and get everything in writing, or an email. I have heard numerous times from clients how their Narcissistic bosses have given them information within private meetings and then acted upon this information only to find that the information was untrue and their actions lead them into further trouble. Get it in writing as the saying goes and make sure that you email your manager back details of the meeting and have them confirm back that your email was an accurate representation of the meeting.

DEALING WITH ABUSE: Your first step. 

It is never easy acknowledging when you need help or are out of your depth and when dealing with Narcissistic people, you will always need as much help and support as you can get.

I always conduct my free consultation calls with anyone who fears that they are the victim of abuse at home or at work within the strictest confidence. I can arrange to call you on whatever number you wish at a prearranged time.  

How to contact me and book a session:-

You can phone, email, or use the contact form below or find me through my facebook page Hypnotherapy in Norwich

Call:      07919102191 

Email:  Jason_edwards@hotmail.com 

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